A Long Car Ride to Weirdsville
by Crymson Pahoyhoy
Summary: While traveling back to his mother's home town, Hayner is stuck in a car with his parents for what seems to be a neverending car ride.


**A Long Car Ride to Weirdsville**

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**Authors Notes: **Made a few…adjustments to make the story fit better into the timeline of our Family Tree Universe. Enjoy!

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"Why do we have to come back to this backwater hick hole, Pops? I liked it so much better back in the city," Hayner asked disgruntled as he crossed his arms angrily in the backseat of his family's car.

"Don't worry Hayner dear. You'll learn to love it there. I mean I grew up here and I turned out just fine," his mother Quistis said matter of factly from the driver's seat, while her husband Lexaeus slept soundly in the passenger's seat.

"Bunny," the murmured response from his father interrupted.

Rolling her eyes with a smile at her husband's words Quistis just continued on, "Besides, your cousin Pence lives here, and you haven't seen him since you were in diapers. We'll be closer to my entire family. It's been years since all six of us were together, probably since Dad's wedding."

Grumbling under his breath Hayner huffed, "I still don't know if it is Grandpa or Grandma Marluxia. _And _your sisters are like way old."

"Hayner, Lightning is only seven years older than you, and Vanille is only two. They're not old."

"Duckie," Lexaeus spoke up among his loud snores.

"Grandpa Vexen is such a cradle robber," shivered Hayner, feeling slightly ill at the thought of his grandfather's husband/wife/spouse.

"Don't be so rude and brash, Hayney."

"Mom! I told you to stop calling me that," he whined, "I'm not a baby anymore. I'm 11 already! Besides, it makes me sound like a girl with an underwear complex."

Humming in response, Quistis developed a strange grin on her face.

"Mom, don't smile like that. It's creepy."

"I can't help it. I'm just so proud that you are using your vast vocabulary to its fullest extent. I've taught you well."

"Whatever. So, are we there yet?"

"Depends on your definition of there because technically you're always heading there, but no matter what, you'll always end up here."

"You know what I meant! Stop playing stupid word games, Mom," Hayner growled, delivering a sharp kick to the back of his mother's chair.

"Watch it pal, or you'll be walking the rest of the way," her voice was stern as she looked at her only son in the rear view mirror.

"Sorry, Mom. It's just that Pops' snoring is starting to get to me; I mean he's already gone through all of the barnyard animals. I'm just waiting for him to start in on the mythological creatures."

As if in response to his son's whining, Lexaeus let out a loud snort that just about shook the whole car. "Dragon…" he mumbled, scratching his stomach before shifting his weight.

"He's so cute when he's like this. It makes me want to kiss him," she smiled wistfully.

"Eww. Mom, please don't talk about that kind of stuff when I'm around."

"But, Hayney, it's perfectly healthy for adults our age to still have a sexual relationship. Besides, how do you think that you came into this world?"

Reaching his hands up, Hayner pressed them firmly over his ears before rocking back and forth screaming, "Immaculate conception! Immaculate conception! Immaculate conception!"

At the outburst, Lexaeus sat up so fast that he hit his head that he hit his head on the roof of the car. Looking around slightly dazed, he turned to his wife and asked, "Where did the orange hare go?"

Quistis just smiled before reaching over and patting her husband on the top of his head. "It's alright, Lex dear. Just go back to sleep." The tall man just nodded before falling back into his chair, dead to the world once again.

"How on earth did the two of you end up together? You guys are a match made in weirdsville if I've ever seen one."

Laughing lightly Quistis just smiled, "It doesn't matter how, just that it happened, and you are the result. Now we have another two hours' drive ahead of us. Why don't you try and get some sleep."

Not hearing anything but a grunt in response, Quistis allowed herself to get lost in thoughts of the party that was planned for her stepsister Lightning's high school graduation. It really would be the first time that all of their family will be together since her father's wedding to Marluxia nearly a decade ago.

"Mom, it's no use. I just can't sleep in a moving vehicle," Hayner whined from the backseat.

"For heaven's sake, Hayner, it was only five minutes."

"Try six," he muttered indignantly.

"So, I'm sure that I don't' need to say this, but I expect you to be on your best behavior at the graduation party next month. Right?"

"Are my Uncles going to be there?" Hayner asked, curiously.

"Yes. Vaan is bringing his new girlfriend, Ashe, I think her name was. And Kain is coming with his…Cecil?"

"What exactly are they anyway? I thought Cecil was married with kids, but he's all that Uncle Kain ever talks about."

"It's best not to ask about that."

"Kind of like GrandPaMa?"

"Something like that. Now, please TRY and sleep?"

"Fine, Mom."

"Sweet Dreams, Hayney."

"Mom…"

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Author's Notes:  
This is the beginning of a series of several drabble one shots made in our own little universe. If you would like to see where the pairings and family lines came from please go view our deviant art page, http :/ crymsonpahoyhoy . deviantart . com /, minus all of the spaces ;) The deviations are called FF KH Family Tree.

Hope you enjoyed your trip into our wonderful, crack filled minds

**P.S. Oh please, oh please, oh please review! It will make us want to write more if you like it :D**

P.S.S. Just a side not here...this is the only story (as of right now) on ff that has Hayner and Lexaeus as Character tags. Go us.


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